I sometimes get to this point, at around 3 in the morning, and it feels like my body's passed the point of sleeping, as if I had the window when I could've and should've crashed, and I didn't.
Last time this happened I was up watching Snow Angels for the first time as the sun was rising and Jess's alarm was going off and she was getting ready to go to work.
But now it's because I'm trying to fill out Ph.D applications, trying to get applications in before the date of nullification mostly dealing with my GRE General Scores, and thankfully almost all of the schools I'm applying to are letting me submit my scores from November 2003. Only one said I couldn't even apply if I didn't take them again. So I didn't apply there.
Considering the time and money I'm spending on so much I didn't anticipate regarding everything application-esque, I think I made the right decision. I think my scores are fine.
I waited too long, I think, to get the recommendation forms and SASEs and everything else out to the kind and generous and influential professors recommending me. I hope they're not too annoyed with me. I just wanted everything to be set in stone, so there would be no questions and no screw-ups on my end. And everything with that now seems good to go, so in their mailboxes and in the mail everything will soon be.
I'm more nervous about the economy than I am about schools hating my work and all I stand for. I have more faith in my work and my drive and my work ethic and everything else than I ever did while applying to schools for my MFA. I just hope if any schools want me that they offer funding. If I can't get that, I can't go. It's pretty much as simple as that.
I don't know why I wrote a post about this. But it's here. I'm sure the real sense of trepidation will set in halfway through December, when the applications are out into the world and out of my hands.
And how good are the Giants looking?
It's pretty fantastic to be a Giants fan right now.
Weird way to end a post about Ph.D applications.